Names? Thought we needed the translator?

Troops out for a walk. Daisy in front, Coco, Little Whitey, Blackberry to the right, then Crispus, and Strawbaby in back. Poor Honey and Parsley missed getting in. Taken earlier this month.

Blackberry: oyqj, jdjkoen leojk nqplamznv dbcerhehr : : : oehk yrtdslma,oeikdc.

Crispus: Happy now?

Blackberry: Yes, static complete.
Strawbaby: Wonderful impersonation.

Parsley: Sounded a little too much like a drowning chicken.

Whitey: What does that sound like?

Honey: I liked it.

Whitey: Me too!

Blackberry: What about you, Daisy? Coco? I need your opinions.

Strawbaby: Maybe you shouldn’t.

Daisy: My opinion is important!

Strawbaby: Sorry—

Daisy: Very important!

Blackberry: Tell me, tell me.

Crispus: Be ready to run.

Whitey: Posed and –

Daisy: Quiet in the ranks!

Crispus: Yes, Commander Daisy.

Whitey: I thought Honey was Commander?

Daisy: No, he was Head Honey.

Whitey: Why?

Daisy: Sounds better.

Crispus: There are no heads in the military. Ask Parsley.

Parsley: Well, I think—

Daisy: If I say there are then there are. I’m special.

Honey: I’m special too.

Whitey: I’m cute.

Crispus: No, you are a soldier.

Parsley: Everyone is a soldier. I don’t really know why I’m bothering.

Blackberry: I’m a pigeon!

Strawbaby: Sorry my daughter, you are most defiantly not.

Crispus: Private not pigeon. Pigeon! Private! We have strayed—

Whitey: Nothing is private.

Daisy: My space is and my hay and my water and—

Crispus: We are off point!

Daisy: No interrupting your superior! 

Crispus: Ow! Run!

Whitey: It was commander.

Blackberry: Right, or Potent.

Strawbaby: There they go. I believe Parsley was Potent. Right?

Parsley: I believe it is Potentate and yes.

Blackberry: Potent sounds better.

Strawbaby: I believe—

Crispus: Help!

Strawbaby: Honey would fit that title better.

Daisy: Come back here!

Whitey: Can I be it?

Blackberry: No, you soldier.

Daisy: huff, huff, everyone is a soldier, huff. New name for Whitey. Think … now!

Blackberry: Private!

Strawbaby: You’re a private.

Parsley: Call him corporal.

Daisy: No, how about Major?

Crispus: Strawbaby is a Major.

Strawbaby: No, pretty sure I was a Sergeant.

Blackberry: What is Honey? Honey!  Honey!

Daisy: He doesn’t have a name. Neither does Coco and from the looks of her sleeping I doubt she wants one.

Parsley: Lieutenant?

Crispus: Colonel?

Strawbaby: You can’t name any one after a corn kernel.

Crispus: It isn’t—

Daisy: I agree. Brigadier? 

Whitey: I like that. I want to be a Brigadier.

Daisy: I haven’t said yet.

Blackberry: And what about Honey?

Daisy: I thought he was potent?

Blackberry: Parsley was potent.

Parsley: I don’t know why …

Daisy: You can’t leave unless your Superior Commander allows you!

Strawbaby: There they go.

Whitey: We lost our potent and superior commander.

Blackberry: Maybe they are practicing maneuvers.

Whitey: Sounds fun but the fence is in the way.

Crispus: I think Parsley is going inside to take a nap.

Blackberry: It is cud chewing time.

Whitey: Squeek. Yes, num, num.

Strawbaby: We will have to meet at a later date General.

Crispus: Good idea Major. We—

Whitey: Squeek, num.

Crispus: can meet after cud chewing.

Whitey: num, num, gulp.

Blackberry: No good. I have to practice my singing in sparrow.

Whitey: Squeek, num, num.

Strawbaby: That is very important for her education.

Crispus: Num, num, fine. Tomorrow because dinner comes shortly after and nap is before. Come my special strike team and chew the cud.

Whitey: Squeek, num, num.

Report from Headquarters

Crispus and Whitey tuning in.

Come in … sshh, zzz, sshzzz … anyone there? Shh, zzz, sshzz—

Blackberry: That doesn’t sound like static at all.

Whitey: Makes me tired.

Crispus: What do you think static should sound like?

Blackberry: I don’t know.

Whitey: Like, whaa, whaa, crzzzsh, maa-ah-ah—

Crispus: Horrible! Stop!

Blackberry: alkjfdoiafkhcnm, soeinzzzkljdfoaika dfi, akdjfoiek, ahog.

Crispus: That’s better. I like it.

Whitey: Completely none understandable.

Crispus: Fine, Blackberry can be the static maker.

Blackberry: Yippy! Maaaaaa!

Crispus: Wait! We might need you to make static.

Whitey: I can do it.

Crispus: Quiet. I am tuning in. Bbzzz, beep, beep … Anyone there? Yes, this is Crispus. General Crispus reporting. We have not been in touch recently due to a series of bombings.

Whitey: Bombings?

Crispus: We talked about this.

Whitey: I don’t think so.

Crispus: Well, listen while I fill in the unsuspecting public. The bombings have increased in frequency but not as bad as last year. Multiple goats have been hit—

Whitey: Terrible!

Crispus: but we have no casualties thanks to the cleanup duty.

Whitey: Cleanup duty, who, where?

Crispus: That would be Emm. She—

Whitey: Food. Mea-e-e.

Crispus: Where? I don’t … Stop, you distracted me.

Whitey: No, I did—

Crispus: But, public, the bombs have increased in frequency. Every day one goat is hit and their coat is dirtied with the horrible—

Blackberry: ahfodiajdla—

Crispus: droppings—

Blackberry: aldfhdoafd akdlfjdo fhdo—

Crispus: of the –

Blackberry: yybnwkihcjkowiuxc,sa—

Crispus: Pigeons!

Blackberry: duoyemc jcuew, oiejkch; aoejk: oeklcj! Ouelj! Woulcyklolehm! Aoelucl! Lkouweolul!!! Ouelc!!!! Oeulcyl!!! Poulknm mqyxjuykd lkweuocul !!!!!!!!!!! OW!!

Crispus: Well, that is what you get for not stopping when I ask.

Blackberry: I couldn’t hear you. The static was too loud.

Whitey: It was. I couldn’t hear you either.

Crispus: No more static.

Blackberry: But I told Ma that I was the professional static maker and she was listening in and, OW! Ma-a-a.

Crispus: Now—

Whitey: We lost the static maker.

Crispus: As I was saying misinformed public. We have been in radio silence because of the pigeon bombings. Our plan of attack? We have a residential translator that has learned multiple languages: mouse, cow, some sparrow, chicken (which was a very easy language to learn), and a few smidgens of others including … drum roll Whitey.

Whitey: Daa, Maa, Me-e-e.

Crispus: Pigeon! This translator can speak to the pigeons and get them to cease and deists their droppings of bombs.

Whitey: We are trying for the non-violent way before we head-butt them.

Crispus: Right but we will inform the public about that later.

…

…

…

Whitey: Now what?

Crispus: I am waiting for the translator to come back.

Whitey: Oh.

…

Whitey: There she is. She is eating.

Crispus: Translator! We need you!

Blackberry: Num, num, I’m, yumm.

Whitey: Foooood!

Crispus: Soldier come back! Actually … public, tune in later for an update on the bombings and our translator’s success. If she has success. I have an engagement, very important, with the hay, bzz, beep, shszzz …

The Goat General's First Campaign

Queen Daisy saw it first but I knew I, the Goat General, should have it.

I tried to take it.

The Queen butted me off!

I called in my troops!

We surrounded her and we tried again.

"This is my log," said Queen Daisy.

We made a plan.  Potent Parsley, you distract her.

It worked!

The log is ours!  We are so happy!

Our happiness was short-lived.

Queen Daisy came back and butted us off.

No!  My troops!  They have abandoned me!  

I hold no grudges.  We live to fight another day.  Victory shall be ours.  Troops!  We will retreat but only for the moment.  We leave you log with this promise:  We shall return and claim you.  Some day log you shall be mine.  Just not now!

What?  We don't want the log now?

Goat General starts his Campaign

Psst.  Pssssst.  Yes, you.  No, shh.  No noise.  Be very quiet and move very quiet.  This is Crispus, General Crispus of the Underground Goat Brigade.  I come to on the eve of a very important mission.  This is a grave undertaking and I fully and whole heartedly appreciate your full and undivided cooperation and attention.  I bow to your fighting spirit.  Your brave heart!  A heart that doesn’t falter in the face of adversity!  For it is a weighty task that I bring before you.  We shall have to dig in with all four hooves!  Push with all both horns!  We—

Blackberry:  I don’t have horns.

Crispus:  Don’t interrupt your superior private.  The details are irrelevant!  This mission calls for us –

Whitey:  What is private around here?  Everyone is always stealing my hay.  I would like my own room too and –

Crispus:  I said no interruptions.  I have every faith in your ability to fully understand my important speech on the eve of this important undertaking.  You can complete this mission!

Strawbaby:  We haven’t even decided on the mission.

Blackberry:  It must be one I can complete without horns.

Whitey:  Foooooood!

Strawbaby:  I like food.

Blackberry:  Me too!  Let’s eat –

Crispus:  Disorder in the ranks!  Disorder in the ranks! Silence you peasants!   

Whitey:  Pigeons.

Blackberry:  He is right.

Strawbaby:  Yep, no peasants.  Only pigeons around here.

Whitey:  Pigeons.

Blackberry:  Pigeons.

Crispus:  Fine my Pigeons.  Now listen carefully.  We have …. Private and soldier why are you whispering?   

Blackberry:  Just saying I wasn’t a pigeon.

Whitey:  I said maybe you needed food.

Crispus:  Thank you for your concern but you both are not pigeons.  You Blackberry are a private and Whitey you are a soldier. 

Strawbaby:  And me?

Crispus:  You can be a Major.

Strawbaby:  Major what?

Crispus:  It is just Major.  You are the Major.

Blackberry:  What is a private?

Whitey:  Nothing around here.

Crispus:  Same thing.  A soldier is the same thing too. 

Whitey:  I already have a shoulder.  Can’t I be something else?   

Crispus:  Because you have it then you can be it.

Strawbaby:  He should be a shoulders.  Not shoulder.

Blackberry:  That makes sense.

Crispus:  It is singular.

Whitey:  Fooooood!

Crispus:  Now on to the mission.  It will be big and dramatic!  Spectacular and heroic! 

Blackberry:  I don’t think there are enough of us.

Strawbaby:  We can figure that out after we figure out our mission.

Whitey:  Yum, yum.  That cud was good.

Crispus:  Help might be good.  I will have to consult …….. hum …….. oh …….. um ……. Ok, yes.  More goats would be better.

Whitey:  Who do we ask?

Crispus:  I will lay down our recruitment campaign.  Now—

Blackberry:  Daisy do you want to play?

Crispus:  NO!

Whitey:  NO!

Strawbaby:  NO!

Crispus:  She would never do as a pilot.

Blackberry:  You can be the pilot Daisy.

Daisy:  There shall be no plotting –

Crispus:  Ow!

Whitey:  What?

Strawbaby:  RUN!

Blackberry:  Play!

Daisy: -or recruitment of unwilling goats.

Whitey:  Ouch!  Foooood!  Help!

Strawbaby:  RUN!

Crispus:  Scatter my brave seal team!  We will continue negotiations at a safer date!  Farewell!