The Goat General's First Campaign

Queen Daisy saw it first but I knew I, the Goat General, should have it.

I tried to take it.

The Queen butted me off!

I called in my troops!

We surrounded her and we tried again.

"This is my log," said Queen Daisy.

We made a plan.  Potent Parsley, you distract her.

It worked!

The log is ours!  We are so happy!

Our happiness was short-lived.

Queen Daisy came back and butted us off.

No!  My troops!  They have abandoned me!  

I hold no grudges.  We live to fight another day.  Victory shall be ours.  Troops!  We will retreat but only for the moment.  We leave you log with this promise:  We shall return and claim you.  Some day log you shall be mine.  Just not now!

What?  We don't want the log now?

Protecting your Head around Goats.

Here is a little Saturday snippet for you.  A lesson I was taught by the goats. 

I have two nice large heavy doors in my goat pen.  These doors could withstand assaults by bears they are that solid.  Two of my goats don’t agree with doors closing on them if they want to be on the other side.  

Here I am.  I swing the door close and start to latch it.  Before the latch closes Coco comes and rears up, striking the door with both of her front feet.  Wham!  Door right to the head!  Thank you for wincing.  It does hurt especially if I am slightly bending over to get the bottom latch first.  Thankfully no visible bruises yet.  Can you imagine the explanation, “Oh that bump?  My goat hit me in the head with a door.”  Daisy is the other culprit.  Her execution differs in that Daisy uses her horns and rams the door.  The result is the same unless ….

I put my foot in front of the door.  Such a simple maneuver but it protects my head from extreme pain.  Yes, I do forget.  Thankfully under Coco and Daisy’s tutelage, I forget a lot less then I used to, almost never.  They are good teachers, very consistent in execution and punishment.

All you goat lovers out there protect your head!  Use your foot. 

Goat General starts his Campaign

Psst.  Pssssst.  Yes, you.  No, shh.  No noise.  Be very quiet and move very quiet.  This is Crispus, General Crispus of the Underground Goat Brigade.  I come to on the eve of a very important mission.  This is a grave undertaking and I fully and whole heartedly appreciate your full and undivided cooperation and attention.  I bow to your fighting spirit.  Your brave heart!  A heart that doesn’t falter in the face of adversity!  For it is a weighty task that I bring before you.  We shall have to dig in with all four hooves!  Push with all both horns!  We—

Blackberry:  I don’t have horns.

Crispus:  Don’t interrupt your superior private.  The details are irrelevant!  This mission calls for us –

Whitey:  What is private around here?  Everyone is always stealing my hay.  I would like my own room too and –

Crispus:  I said no interruptions.  I have every faith in your ability to fully understand my important speech on the eve of this important undertaking.  You can complete this mission!

Strawbaby:  We haven’t even decided on the mission.

Blackberry:  It must be one I can complete without horns.

Whitey:  Foooooood!

Strawbaby:  I like food.

Blackberry:  Me too!  Let’s eat –

Crispus:  Disorder in the ranks!  Disorder in the ranks! Silence you peasants!   

Whitey:  Pigeons.

Blackberry:  He is right.

Strawbaby:  Yep, no peasants.  Only pigeons around here.

Whitey:  Pigeons.

Blackberry:  Pigeons.

Crispus:  Fine my Pigeons.  Now listen carefully.  We have …. Private and soldier why are you whispering?   

Blackberry:  Just saying I wasn’t a pigeon.

Whitey:  I said maybe you needed food.

Crispus:  Thank you for your concern but you both are not pigeons.  You Blackberry are a private and Whitey you are a soldier. 

Strawbaby:  And me?

Crispus:  You can be a Major.

Strawbaby:  Major what?

Crispus:  It is just Major.  You are the Major.

Blackberry:  What is a private?

Whitey:  Nothing around here.

Crispus:  Same thing.  A soldier is the same thing too. 

Whitey:  I already have a shoulder.  Can’t I be something else?   

Crispus:  Because you have it then you can be it.

Strawbaby:  He should be a shoulders.  Not shoulder.

Blackberry:  That makes sense.

Crispus:  It is singular.

Whitey:  Fooooood!

Crispus:  Now on to the mission.  It will be big and dramatic!  Spectacular and heroic! 

Blackberry:  I don’t think there are enough of us.

Strawbaby:  We can figure that out after we figure out our mission.

Whitey:  Yum, yum.  That cud was good.

Crispus:  Help might be good.  I will have to consult …….. hum …….. oh …….. um ……. Ok, yes.  More goats would be better.

Whitey:  Who do we ask?

Crispus:  I will lay down our recruitment campaign.  Now—

Blackberry:  Daisy do you want to play?

Crispus:  NO!

Whitey:  NO!

Strawbaby:  NO!

Crispus:  She would never do as a pilot.

Blackberry:  You can be the pilot Daisy.

Daisy:  There shall be no plotting –

Crispus:  Ow!

Whitey:  What?

Strawbaby:  RUN!

Blackberry:  Play!

Daisy: -or recruitment of unwilling goats.

Whitey:  Ouch!  Foooood!  Help!

Strawbaby:  RUN!

Crispus:  Scatter my brave seal team!  We will continue negotiations at a safer date!  Farewell!