Names? Thought we needed the translator?

Troops out for a walk. Daisy in front, Coco, Little Whitey, Blackberry to the right, then Crispus, and Strawbaby in back. Poor Honey and Parsley missed getting in. Taken earlier this month.

Blackberry: oyqj, jdjkoen leojk nqplamznv dbcerhehr : : : oehk yrtdslma,oeikdc.

Crispus: Happy now?

Blackberry: Yes, static complete.
Strawbaby: Wonderful impersonation.

Parsley: Sounded a little too much like a drowning chicken.

Whitey: What does that sound like?

Honey: I liked it.

Whitey: Me too!

Blackberry: What about you, Daisy? Coco? I need your opinions.

Strawbaby: Maybe you shouldn’t.

Daisy: My opinion is important!

Strawbaby: Sorry—

Daisy: Very important!

Blackberry: Tell me, tell me.

Crispus: Be ready to run.

Whitey: Posed and –

Daisy: Quiet in the ranks!

Crispus: Yes, Commander Daisy.

Whitey: I thought Honey was Commander?

Daisy: No, he was Head Honey.

Whitey: Why?

Daisy: Sounds better.

Crispus: There are no heads in the military. Ask Parsley.

Parsley: Well, I think—

Daisy: If I say there are then there are. I’m special.

Honey: I’m special too.

Whitey: I’m cute.

Crispus: No, you are a soldier.

Parsley: Everyone is a soldier. I don’t really know why I’m bothering.

Blackberry: I’m a pigeon!

Strawbaby: Sorry my daughter, you are most defiantly not.

Crispus: Private not pigeon. Pigeon! Private! We have strayed—

Whitey: Nothing is private.

Daisy: My space is and my hay and my water and—

Crispus: We are off point!

Daisy: No interrupting your superior! 

Crispus: Ow! Run!

Whitey: It was commander.

Blackberry: Right, or Potent.

Strawbaby: There they go. I believe Parsley was Potent. Right?

Parsley: I believe it is Potentate and yes.

Blackberry: Potent sounds better.

Strawbaby: I believe—

Crispus: Help!

Strawbaby: Honey would fit that title better.

Daisy: Come back here!

Whitey: Can I be it?

Blackberry: No, you soldier.

Daisy: huff, huff, everyone is a soldier, huff. New name for Whitey. Think … now!

Blackberry: Private!

Strawbaby: You’re a private.

Parsley: Call him corporal.

Daisy: No, how about Major?

Crispus: Strawbaby is a Major.

Strawbaby: No, pretty sure I was a Sergeant.

Blackberry: What is Honey? Honey!  Honey!

Daisy: He doesn’t have a name. Neither does Coco and from the looks of her sleeping I doubt she wants one.

Parsley: Lieutenant?

Crispus: Colonel?

Strawbaby: You can’t name any one after a corn kernel.

Crispus: It isn’t—

Daisy: I agree. Brigadier? 

Whitey: I like that. I want to be a Brigadier.

Daisy: I haven’t said yet.

Blackberry: And what about Honey?

Daisy: I thought he was potent?

Blackberry: Parsley was potent.

Parsley: I don’t know why …

Daisy: You can’t leave unless your Superior Commander allows you!

Strawbaby: There they go.

Whitey: We lost our potent and superior commander.

Blackberry: Maybe they are practicing maneuvers.

Whitey: Sounds fun but the fence is in the way.

Crispus: I think Parsley is going inside to take a nap.

Blackberry: It is cud chewing time.

Whitey: Squeek. Yes, num, num.

Strawbaby: We will have to meet at a later date General.

Crispus: Good idea Major. We—

Whitey: Squeek, num.

Crispus: can meet after cud chewing.

Whitey: num, num, gulp.

Blackberry: No good. I have to practice my singing in sparrow.

Whitey: Squeek, num, num.

Strawbaby: That is very important for her education.

Crispus: Num, num, fine. Tomorrow because dinner comes shortly after and nap is before. Come my special strike team and chew the cud.

Whitey: Squeek, num, num.

Report from Headquarters

Crispus and Whitey tuning in.

Come in … sshh, zzz, sshzzz … anyone there? Shh, zzz, sshzz—

Blackberry: That doesn’t sound like static at all.

Whitey: Makes me tired.

Crispus: What do you think static should sound like?

Blackberry: I don’t know.

Whitey: Like, whaa, whaa, crzzzsh, maa-ah-ah—

Crispus: Horrible! Stop!

Blackberry: alkjfdoiafkhcnm, soeinzzzkljdfoaika dfi, akdjfoiek, ahog.

Crispus: That’s better. I like it.

Whitey: Completely none understandable.

Crispus: Fine, Blackberry can be the static maker.

Blackberry: Yippy! Maaaaaa!

Crispus: Wait! We might need you to make static.

Whitey: I can do it.

Crispus: Quiet. I am tuning in. Bbzzz, beep, beep … Anyone there? Yes, this is Crispus. General Crispus reporting. We have not been in touch recently due to a series of bombings.

Whitey: Bombings?

Crispus: We talked about this.

Whitey: I don’t think so.

Crispus: Well, listen while I fill in the unsuspecting public. The bombings have increased in frequency but not as bad as last year. Multiple goats have been hit—

Whitey: Terrible!

Crispus: but we have no casualties thanks to the cleanup duty.

Whitey: Cleanup duty, who, where?

Crispus: That would be Emm. She—

Whitey: Food. Mea-e-e.

Crispus: Where? I don’t … Stop, you distracted me.

Whitey: No, I did—

Crispus: But, public, the bombs have increased in frequency. Every day one goat is hit and their coat is dirtied with the horrible—

Blackberry: ahfodiajdla—

Crispus: droppings—

Blackberry: aldfhdoafd akdlfjdo fhdo—

Crispus: of the –

Blackberry: yybnwkihcjkowiuxc,sa—

Crispus: Pigeons!

Blackberry: duoyemc jcuew, oiejkch; aoejk: oeklcj! Ouelj! Woulcyklolehm! Aoelucl! Lkouweolul!!! Ouelc!!!! Oeulcyl!!! Poulknm mqyxjuykd lkweuocul !!!!!!!!!!! OW!!

Crispus: Well, that is what you get for not stopping when I ask.

Blackberry: I couldn’t hear you. The static was too loud.

Whitey: It was. I couldn’t hear you either.

Crispus: No more static.

Blackberry: But I told Ma that I was the professional static maker and she was listening in and, OW! Ma-a-a.

Crispus: Now—

Whitey: We lost the static maker.

Crispus: As I was saying misinformed public. We have been in radio silence because of the pigeon bombings. Our plan of attack? We have a residential translator that has learned multiple languages: mouse, cow, some sparrow, chicken (which was a very easy language to learn), and a few smidgens of others including … drum roll Whitey.

Whitey: Daa, Maa, Me-e-e.

Crispus: Pigeon! This translator can speak to the pigeons and get them to cease and deists their droppings of bombs.

Whitey: We are trying for the non-violent way before we head-butt them.

Crispus: Right but we will inform the public about that later.

…

…

…

Whitey: Now what?

Crispus: I am waiting for the translator to come back.

Whitey: Oh.

…

Whitey: There she is. She is eating.

Crispus: Translator! We need you!

Blackberry: Num, num, I’m, yumm.

Whitey: Foooood!

Crispus: Soldier come back! Actually … public, tune in later for an update on the bombings and our translator’s success. If she has success. I have an engagement, very important, with the hay, bzz, beep, shszzz …